Creating Content and Self-Acceptance

This is a topic that's very near and dear to me. All my life, I don't think there has ever been a moment where I could say, "I made this. This is mine." It wasn't until recently that it occurred to me that I am technically a "content creator," and I say technically because my work isn't too far from a stock build. When I finally came up with an idea that was completely possible and potentially one of my best ideas, all it took was one morning checking GundamGuy's blog to see that my idea has been done. But by someone else, before I did. How did I feel? Mixed emotions... Ecstatic because my idea is something that someone else in the world thought was good enough to execute (and get featured), but utterly crushed at the fact that whenever someone saw what I would eventually create, they would most likely be thinking, "hey, that looks just like the other one I saw a while back!"

The "Knight Barbatos" that came before mine. Full gallery and credits here!

"Well, that happened..." was all I could think when I read a comment on my Instagram. My drive to finish the project just hit a huge brick wall. I left the Barbatos on my table, not paying much attention to it knowing that I will forever be compared to the other SD Knight Gundam kitbash. I eventually pulled enough motivation together to get the project "finished" and made a quick Instagram post. I say "finished" because it was a shoddy paint job, bad masking, didn't bother redoing parts, didn't panel line/detail it post color.

Here's my take on the "Knight Barbatos"

Sometime after, I watched a video on my YouTube subscription feed (feat. Jake Roper of Vsauce3) talking about creating and releasing a video. Except, much like me, someone had released a video with a similar topic. I won't spoil the content of the video, but unknowingly, a part of me sympathized and (mentally) encouraged him to go ahead and post the video. "Who cares if someone else already did it? You're you and you have your own style. You have a large follower-base that supports you!" At this point, I still didn't realize that I was in the same situation, because I never considered myself a content creator.

I chose this video because it links back to the Jake's video. 

Please take 10 mins to watch these if you can relate even just a little!

A little after, the person that released his video before Jake did published a video letter to Jake, assuring him that the topics of conversation have been and will continue to be discussed. He was in the same situation once, and decided to just do what makes him happy. It wasn't until I saw this video that I realized I have the same internal conflict. I should continue to build and create content I'm happy with. Like I said in the last post, I won't be the only person that builds these kits, but they will forever be uniquely mine. I have since then gotten a new perspective on my works and began to reevaluate what Gunpla is to me. It turns out I have/had a lot more to say about it than, "it's my hobby/obsession."

Through all of this, I realized that Gunpla has taught me about self-acceptance. As the cliche goes, "I am who I am." I will still follow people on Instagram and be constantly looking for inspiration on kits in my backlog. I will incorporate as much or as little of a person's style and ideas into my own works as I see fit, and I will evolve to create "my style" just as so many other builders have.  On a greater scale, I've also come to accept who I am in real life. Not just me as the builder, but me as a whole. The person that is in love with little plastic toy robots. The person that was at one point afraid of people judging him for being "such a nerd." The person that who wasn't comfortable enough with himself to share his hobby with his friends. The person that pretended to be calm when he hears someone talking about Gundams or Gunpla, but is secretly freaking out and trying not to scare everyone away. And most of all, the person that was always seeking approval and acceptance of his peers, either on reddit, or Instagram, or even among those who knew he collected. There was always one person I never thought to seek approval from; me.

Yea, that definitely hits hard... He meant no harm, though. Go check out his account!

But now that I've spent enough time to reflect, I've started to embrace every insecure aspect of me, relating to this hobby, or otherwise. If I'm this "ashamed" to admitting to my hobby, that is a problem. This was the very reason why this blog exists, and this is the same reason why I chose "Goufing Around" as a persona. As a message to anyone who is reading this, you may or may not be able to relate to how I feel, but I'm certain that at some point in your life, you've been insecure about yourself in some aspect (and if you've never been, kudos to you!). Don't let that stop you from being you. No one else is capable of knowing you the way that you know yourself and no one else will be able to live the life that you have. So why try to live so that other people can be happy, when you should really be leading a life where you're happy. (Of course, as I type this, extreme scenarios are coming to mind where you should probably take a second to reconsider, but you know what I mean.)

Internally, as I look at my gold Barbatos on my desk, it'll always be a reminder of a time where I felt lost and defeated, of a time where I was nothing more than a copycat without any original ideas, but ultimately, of a time where I truly realized how big of an impact Gunpla has had on me as a person that led me to be able to accept myself as the guy who loves little plastic models (not toys!).

Please, if you actually took the time to read this, and my message actually gets its point across, I encourage you to share your story with me. A big part of this blog is about me discovering new perspectives and bonding with people, whether over Gunpla or just over the fact that we're only human.

And always remember, Gunpla is a hobby and it should make you happy! So, keep goufing around!

PS: This is a Gouf. My name is a pun (for those who didn't already know)